I am feeling angry at a friend who betrayed me a few weeks ago by talking behind my back, and saying untrue things about me to someone who is very important in my life. Even though I have not reacted to my friend openly, I find myself still feeling angry internally. How can I work with this anger?
Anger is like fire. It first burns you before you make plan or act to harm the person you are angry at. Getting angry and holding onto it is like drinking poison and yet thinking that the person you are angry at will be hurt. So, it is very good that you are aware of your anger, and are wanting to work on removing it.
In anger, your mind gets into the groove of making plans against that person – how you are going to smash this guy? Like a belt highway, your mind gets in a groove going around and around with no exit. This shows that our thought process is messed up. We see things according to our own lens, which is muddy. Your mind just reacts on instinct to the situation, and it is not helpful. We make a mistake in our perception and then we make the wrong decisions and actions based on this misconception. Vedic Psychology helps us to better understand the reason why our mind behaves the way it does, and then what to do about it. We will be teaching the mechanics of the mind, so you can understand why it does what it does, in our in-person workshops. For now, we will share what to do about the mind when it gets out of balance with anger, in this practical exercise below.
You can use your Intelligence, or Buddhi, to put an end to your anger. Your Buddhi helps you to become aware of the anger, and then actively process it, so you are not held slave to it. When anger does not get acknowledged and processed, it builds up inside and comes out in other ways. It could be an anger outburst, or heartburn, or many other manifestations. So, it needs to be released somehow. Here is one way: You can try writing an angry letter. In the letter, let yourself be raw with your feelings. Focus the letter on your feelings, not so much on the other person’s actions, which you cannot change. Write specifically what they did and how it made you feel. Do not write what you thought about what they did, because that storyline has already been running in your head for too long. Permit yourself to drop into the raw feelings, using words like: betrayed, furious, unimportant, hostile, disappointed, irate, hurt, disgusted. Feelings are malleable – they can and do change as quickly as the wind changes directions. So, if you are willing to take an honest look at your feelings, stay with them and see them through, you can have some relief in your mind. Once you have completed your angry letter, then find a picture of that person, or visualize a picture of them in your head. Pull up a chair, and bring their energy (and or picture) into the chair. Sit in a chair directly across from them, and look directly at the chair. Read the letter aloud to them, letting your true feelings out. You may need to read it more than one time, to really get in touch with your anger. Let your anger be heard in your voice. Let it out. When you have finished reading your letter, take it to a safe place, and burn it. Watch your toxic anger that was burning inside of you, now burning up outside of you.